It should be happiness...

It has been some time that since i started to let go what inequality i got from my parents
but in the depth of heart
I know that I always be sensitive and still care about the way they treat me which is different with the other siblings..
I had blame
I had scold
I had annoyed because of this.

However at last only i know,
it is not going to change anything.

No matter how hard I've tried
I will never get to achieve what they expected

I didn't want to admit that
I'm actually still wanting for their approval
but i can see that they don't even bother

I did not expect that
I am actually have no trust in them anymore
because it is really tiring which you keep believing
and eventually you realize that they just give up and did not let you know
when you still having a high expectation on them

From the moment that they cannot keep their promises
I had started to give up to depend on them

Recently,
I start to yearn for love.

Maybe I am just too free
Maybe I am just too tiring of the love i cannot get
Maybe I just started do not know how to love myself.
Maybe I just have to keep myself in patient
Patient waiting for somebody to love me

But before that
I need to learn to love myself all over again.